I thought I was a strong girl. Even though I grew up in a broken family, my childhood was no fairytale and still having to deal with problems now. But I’m fortunate to be able to study overseas and gotten all my necessities settled. I must admit, I don’t have many friends. Made some along the way but lost the majority of them while I’m in college. The ones I have now are those who will go through with me in times of good and bad. I’m very thankful for these small circle of friends who keeps me going on. Ever since I entered college, I pushed myself really hard to attain good results in order to prove to myself I’m not useless. I did get an average score and I was proud of it.

All this is just a facade, after all I’ve gone through, I’m just like a normal girl no different from the others. I’m actually not such a strong person after all. Thoroughly, unmistakably wrong. I have flaws and weaknesses. One of my worst weaknesses is “overthinking”.

There’s a saying

Overthinking is the biggest cause of happiness.

There are so many questions swirling in my mind right now. Things that should no longer be in my mind but I just can’t stop thinking about it. No matter how intoxicated I am, the first thing that comes into my mind are questions of “what if”.

I’m trying to change for the better. But changing someone’s character is not an overnight job. It might take years just to change someone’s habit moreover a character. I’m trying my best each day to do better and be better. However, reaching the end goal is just so disheartening at times.

Do you ever feel that way? No matter how tough you try to block things out somehow it still comes back to you? Always putting you back to square one?

I’m just a normal girl who clearly has flaws. Flaws that are like leopard spots that will always be on a leopard.