There will always be hard and tough times going in and out of our lives. I know I’m experiencing a tonne of it right now. The question is,

“How do we cope with this shit load of stress”.

My usual routine to relive this build up stress is by exercising and eating. It helps me to just focus on pushing on and looking good. Recently, I hurt my back muscle because I’ve lost focus while lifting weights. As a result for the past 1.5 weeks or so, all exercises are suspended as per strict instructions by my doctor.

With no exercises, indicating lost of muscle, lost of strength and poor stamina. Besides that, I did not control my eating habits. All this equate to huge weight gained. What I can say is

I’m devastated and utterly disappointed in myself.

Chinese New Year (CNY) is nearing. I’ve been working overtime the last 1.5 weeks and I cannot seem to complete my work. One will look it as “Holidays and a break is finally coming”, for me is a little different. It means that I’ve not much time to complete my workload before the holidays, so I’ve to work through the holidays. Also, with my grandfather passing my family is not suppose to celebrate CNY. In other words, for me is working through this holiday trying to complete the enormous pile of work.

The beginning of the year did not start on a positive note on me. I sense that it will be more gruelling for the rest of the year.

Meanwhile, the only thing that relieves me of stress is eating good food. I cannot afford to go drinking. All this while, whenever I feel down I’ll head for a drink. As a result, I’m actually relying on alcohol to cope with stress and use it to numb myself from pain. I’m proud to say I’ve not touched a drink for 21 days. I do want to keep this up till I know that drinking alcohol is not an escape.

On this note, I’m at my heaviest now 😦 Hopefully, my doctor can give me a green light to exercise again and my back muscle is no longer in pain. I do want to lose the weight I’ve gained and back to my original weight.

I’m to give it my all when I’m back to my treadmill and weights. I want my sanity back again. Without exercising, some part of me is missing. With loss fats hanging all around my body now, no self-confidence of looking good, clothes are snugger, argh this feeling is just horrible.

I want to do my proper exercises again!