I’ve got to admit, in some ways I’m damaged. Do not get me wrong for wanting sympathy or pity because I said I’m damaged.
The past few weeks, I went out with different group of friends. They have noticed that even though I’ve changed for the better physically, but mentally and emotionally somethings needs to be done.
Since young, I’ve got everything I wanted in terms of material wise. However, when it comes to the emotional wise I was never whole. Friends are there to support me in times of need and in times of good. There is only so much so that friends can help you compared to your own family members. As a child, never was I close to my family members, till today the distance is still there.
When I said I’m damaged, it was because of the memories I had when I was a child that was carried forward till today. The constant need of running away from issues and problems as it was ingrained in me. Fake a pretence that nothing matter and everything will just go away.
I’m wrong, thoroughly and utterly wrong. Running was never the solution but just a temporary escape from the pain. Till today, the pain in me is growing and constantly having friction with my family members. Worst off, friends have actually noticed that it might have brought forward to my previous relationships.
I want to walk out of this black hole that is sucking the energy out of me. It’s time for a change, to love myself, to get better. It’s time to seriously feel the colors entering in my world.