As of yesterday, I’ve already put aside everything that I can no longer wear, no longer fit in and things that I do not like. With a new haircut, a new style of proper clothes and style. Everything is new again, out with the old and in with the new.
I know that I’ve still a long way to go in life, to try out new things that will benefit in my life in the long term. Right now, I’m just taking my first step into changing myself into a better person. Also, to discover who I am again as a girl.
Having said that, it seems that part of me has given up on myself. That feeling of despair, still have sleepless night at times. After trying all things new, in the hope to make me feel better. Well, yes it did make me slightly happier and more confident. But behind those eyes of mine, i’m soulless and just miserable. It is as if i’m living a double life.
Trying all things new it seems to just be painting a picture out there to the rest that I’m trying very hard to get over this tough life of mine. I can hide from them but I cannot hide from myself. That stone i’m carrying everyday, that I’m trying to get rid of. It’s still there, I don’t know how long will this last.