Today is 4th Day of my official break up. Since then, i’ve arranged lots of meet up with my friends. All of them asked “What exactly happened? I thought both of you are going to strong”. Each time I’ve told the story, I’m still not able to control my emotions and break down in front of them.

All my friends has given me different advice on how to let go and move on with my life:

  • Find some distractions, just keep yourself occupied
  • Think of the future you want, work towards it
  • Take it naturally, give yourself time to grief and slowly you will heal
  • Take a trip somewhere, clear your head and start afresh
  • Learn and reflect what this relationship has taught you

There’s one advice that one of my friends has given me, she said:

“为什么,你一直想要怎么去放下他呢?你现在很明显还是放不下这段感情,明明还很爱他。你现在还是很想恋他,为何不去想恋你们快乐的时光呢?这样你也会快乐你点。爱一个人不一定要拥有他,你可以静静的爱这他。 好像是在爱恋他,因为他不在是你的另一半了。你如果爱一个人,你要他开开心心的去过他的日子。 如果,他开心,你就会提他而开心。 现在,你们的观念,念头, 看法都很不同,根本就很难去了解对方。再勉强下去对你们两个都不会是幸福的。对吗?现在,你们两个能给对方最好的礼物就是要活在当下。事情已过去了,不能也无法再改变了。 就好好的去过你要的日子。不要在去想了,因为事情不在你的控制防卫了”。 

This advice woke me up. It has given me a new perspective in how to truly love someone. Since yesterday, the only thoughts that I have about him were all the wonderful times we spent together. It help me through my thought process and it was a lot easier to handle compared to the hurt he has brought me for the last month of our relationship.

I’ve also reflected the flaws and mistakes that I’ve done in this relationships. Is true, as he said ” i screwed up this relationship”. I will admit that i did screw up and I’ve learnt my lesson. Maybe I should have tried and put in more effort into what he wants – but right now I need to accept that is not happening anymore. But of course, in a relationship there is 2 person. At times i did not play my part in being a perfect girlfriend for him. Neither has he on many occasion played his part on doing his job as a boyfriend to me.

I need to remember that no one is perfect, always accept for who there are. If you can’t, you have to let yourself and the person go. Love is not by choice, but by working hard for each other. It takes 2 to clap in this relationship and no one can say for sure who is wrong or who is right. I have to learn and accept the mistakes and never repeat them again.

The only thing right now is to work towards my short goals that i’ve set myself. That is:

  • healthier and fitter body
  • a complete makeover, a new look a new start

I’ve also cut off all contacts with him, deleted him off my phone book, my whats app chat with him, my Facebook chat with him. Cleared up most of the items he bought for me. Due to work purposes, I still have Instagram and Facebook accounts, i’m trying very hard not to look at his post. At least not all of his posts are public, so it makes it easier for me too. Photos of us are still on his account, I don’t know how he is doing, neither do I want to know for now. The day he removes the pictures, will be the day he has finally moved on.

I do wish him all the best and of course, i still miss him. I do hope time will really heal this wound of mine.

A strong woman loves, forgives, walks away, lets go, tries again and perseveres no matter what life throws at her. That will be mantra for now.